When I was young, I couldn’t wait to grow up.
Sharing is a way of moving forwards
Before 30, never thought or worried about age, I was so confident and playful that I forgot about time.
In the late 20, I wanted to stay on 20 longer and thought I still have plenty of time, I did not worry too much because I was so occupied by many other things about work, relationship and preconceived self. I forgot about taking time easily until one day I stood on the cross road and asked what have I done in life, who was I and what did I want in life. My first awakening happened in time that I found my way in tea, the practice of Daoyin Qigong for health and inner peace.
In the late 30, all in sudden, I realised the time pressure. psychological pressures started to mount up, the risk of stress rose; the only thing I thought what I could do was to continue my life as in the 30, I thought could gain time by accepting and tolering. Of course, I was wrong because nothing could stop the clicking of clock,not in the past, now or future.
Life is like a boat journey, don’t ask why you’re on board, because you are already on. The when is not upto our choice, but the key of what and how is on our hands that we have to learn how to manage it ourselves.
Soon stepped into 50 from 49, I realized I couldn’t stop the time and the youth was flying out through windows that I forgot to close in time. I hoped I could stay forever young, ignored menopause crisis; but of course nothing could stop the clock. I started to think and worry about the time and fun that I lost and hoped to stay young longer. But I didn’t know who could I talk to, so I became more silent and submissive. Hopefully the emptiness and pain would go away. Of course, they didn’t.
The bitter betray and chaotic change that my ex-husband （father of my children） forced me through were like iced cubes over my head. I lost the family that I have dreamed about, I lost everything, luckily I and children were protected under Belgian laws. I was alone, I have no family to turn to and I didn’t know who to trust; I was forced to stop my carrier because of the responsibilities for two young boys. Despite all those unthinkable chaos and pain, I found myself back. When it seemed I was abandoned by the world, I realized “ I can’t change others, but I can change myself”. Others can fail me, can deny me, but I have to do my best to be myself and I can’t forget who I am and may not deny myself, simply because I am daughter of General Hsiao Li-Guay. I found so much strengths from the Chinese traditional moral teachings that I was fortunately inherited since childhood, I was enlightened by the wisdom of Chinese Buddhism, Daoism and saw the beauty of implementing the practices of Confusius teachings in life through tea, Chinese tea ceremony and Daoyin Qigong. This time I refuse to be submissive without trying best with a peaceful mind and devoted actions.
When one door is closed, another one is opened. Life goes on and on.
Once said goodbye to the 50, started the number with 6, I realized I couldn’t stop the time, regrets won’t help. I reborn from heart. Everyday from heart I appreciate the time that I gain, I am doing my best for myself through tea without asking why.
My life as tea and tea is as my life. I don’t live for tea, because I am tea, tea is in me.
Indeed I can’t stay as young as before, so what. Because I can keep the young in heart forever, and I am trying best everyday.
My health, my choice; my life, I live with gratitude.
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